I went to Kevin’s yoga class today after not having gone in a while. The class let me practice what I call “Ego obedience”–a practice of keeping my eye on it and checking that it does not poking its head into my daily life situations. My yoga practice used to be dictated by my Ego: it praised me on how skilled I was in my poses, how focused I was in my savasana, how I practiced so diligently everyday. And most importantly, it reminded me how I was so much more of a yogi than others. It wasn’t until this year when I became aware of what I was doing when practicing yoga: I was merely feeding my Ego. I’ve gradually developed a new practice where Ego plays no role–where it’s okay to fall, it’s okay not to perform the most advanced pose, it’s okay to struggle (especially when people are watching). Yoga practice can reveal much about your true self, when you allow that gate to open. When you stop being enamored by the physical elements of yoga, a much deeper practice comes to life.
My yoga practice today allowed me to meditate on an instance that has been rattling me for a few days. Several days ago, I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation with someone I know. I wasn’t even certain of how this event arised but nonetheless, I tried to change the situation so that the discomfort would disappate, even if it meant letting myself get treaded on. The unresolved feelings ended up consuming me, my mind trying constantly to get a grip on what happened. I had to consult a guide of mine to figure out what was keeping me from letting go. He showed me that this is another game that the Ego likes to play–where it seeks self-preservation and therefore cannot let go of any situation that was threatening or uncomfortable. He let me know that although I still needed to resolve the feelings with this other person, I was capable of letting go. But my pride kept me from doing so. Instead my Ego chooses to play back the memory over and over again until I’m driven to near insanity! After I became conscious of my Ego’s role in this discourse, it became much easier for me to forgive and forget. The resolution, however, is pending.
Our Ego will keep on coming up again and again in everyone’s lives. Are you aware of it when it snarls its fangs? When life is getting difficult, is Ego playing a role? Can you go about life with humility but still maintain dignity (which is very different than pride/Ego)?
Keep in mind, Ego is only your enemy when you let it off its leash. When tamed, perhaps it can be a companion or most preferably, it will transform into a completely different energy that can actually bring positivity into your life.
